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10 Funniest Onboarding Stats That Will Make You Laugh (and Cry)


So, you're a new hire. Congratulations! You're probably feeling a mix of excitement, nervousness, and maybe even a little bit of dread. After all, onboarding can be a pretty daunting process.


But don't worry, we're here to help. In this article, we'll take a look at the top 10 funniest onboarding stats. Because let's face it, no matter how serious onboarding is, there's always room for a little bit of humor.


  1. Onboarding is a little like a hipster bar: it takes an average of 8-12 weeks to become “cool”.

  2. The most successful onboarding programs have a 98% success rate. That’s right, you’re almost guaranteed to be the cool kid on the block.

  3. It takes, on average, an entire year for an employee to become fully integrated into their new job. That’s a full 12 months of awkwardness!

  4. In the first six months, it’s estimated that new hires are only able to contribute at 40% of their full potential. That’s like having a superhero with no powers!

  5. New employees are more likely to stay with a company if they have a mentor. So, if you don’t have one, you’re basically on your own.

  6. It takes an average of 6 weeks for a new hire to learn the company culture. That’s a lot of time spent trying to figure out the hidden handshake.

  7. The most successful onboarding programs are able to boost employee retention by 25%. That’s like a 25% chance of your employees not running away in terror!

  8. Onboarding can increase employee engagement by as much as 82%. That’s like an 82% chance of your employees actually listening to you!

  9. Onboarding is so important that it can add up to $4,000 in additional revenue for each new hire. That’s a lot of money for a few months of awkwardness!

  10. It takes an average of 5 days for a new hire to feel comfortable in their new job. That’s like a five-day long first day of school!


Bonus Stat: The average new hire spends 10% of their time on onboarding paperwork (my research). That's enough time to fill out enough forms to create a small country!


Recap: No matter how awkward it might feel, onboarding is essential for success! So go forth and have some fun with your onboarding process. And if you see any new hires filling out paperwork, be sure to give them a friendly smile and a "Welcome to the club!" Maybe they'll invite you to their country on your vacation you struggle to use.


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